Response to Spencer...

Politics then entertainment.

So I was listening to the Rush Limbaugh show today, and they were tralking about the teachers unions.  I don’t need to bore anyone with the details, but they were discussing universal pre-K, basically instead of K-12, it would be pre-K-12.  Some “enlightened” graduate student called and said that we all know liberals believe, but usually tap-dance around it or disguise it.  This guy said it point blank- we need pre-k because there are most of the parents out there don’t make the right decisions.

 

So- once again Liberalism = you’re too stupid to do anything on your own, the Gov’t must help.

 

 

Batman and Superman

 

Now, I know that this a debate that still destroys more basement-dwelling nerd friendships than forgetting to bring the Mountain Dew and Pizza Rolls to an all night game of Dungeons and Dragons, but it warrants some consideration on my blog for one reason.

Sharel showed me a slightly amusing video on the internets (I cannot post the link now, but google “how it should have ended” and look for the Superman video).  On this particular video, Superman is sitting in a diner with Batman and is making fun of him and his tool belt.  For some inexplicable reason Sharel has found it funny to rehearse this segment to me time and time again, knowing my somewhat disturbing love for the Batman.

 

First- Both Superman and the Batman are awesome.  But comparing the two is like comparing apples to steaks.  They are not even in the same food group.  Superman has super powers, Batman does not.  This alone separates them into two incomparable categories.  But, since Sharel thinks it is soooo hilarious to rip on my boy, I will explain to her, and to you, why Batman is better.

 

As mentioned before, Superman has super powers.  He is, for all intensive purposes (if you ever watch King of Queens you will get this), invulnerable to just about anything except for kryptonite.  Does that make him cool?  I suppose, but it also kind of makes him an A-hole, too.  Why get all excited about someone you know is gonna win?  We all know nothing can stop him, so where is the suspense, the anticipation, the wondering what is going to happen next?  It is not there.   We see guys with guns, we know Supe is going to be ok, so we laugh at the retards who think shooting him will do anything.  That brings me to my next point- people in Superman’s Universe are really, really dumb.

1.        Glasses for a disguise, and no one recognizes him?  Really?  Sometimes at home Sharel puts on her glasses and I freak out because I think some other woman has broken into our house.  No, I don’t, because I have a brain, something the people in Metropolis don’t.

2.       The villains- are really extra dumb.  Why?  Why would you shoot a gun at Superman?  Do you not know who he is?  That isn’t it- it is because they are really dumb.

3.       Lex Luthor- really, the only villain with even a slight chance of ever doing anything to Superman.  Why, Superman could bring peace to himself and the rest of the world if he would just sling LL out into the vast darkness of space.  That explains why Superman is himself, dumb.

4.       Metropolis- could there be a dumber name for a city than this?  Yes- Smallville.

 

Next point- I don’t really have anyother points- moving on to why Batman is more awesomer than superman.

1.        Batman wears an almost full face mask.  This is what is called a disguise.  He also moves at night, in the shadows, to promote an air of fear into the common criminal of Gotham.  No one gets a long enough look at him to put two and two together.

2.       Batman is human.  This generates suspense.  We all know Bruce is a world-class MMA fighter, and wears a certain amount of body armor and other gadgets to give him an edge, but there is always the chance, and a good one, that he is going to lose.  A well placed shot, or enough bad guys, or even Jet Li could be the end of the Batman.  It’s kind of like watching Rocky get the snot beat out of him, but then at the end he reaches deep inside his heart and takes out the other guy. 

3.       Batman’s background is tons better than Superman. 

Superman- “Boohoo, my father died of a heart-attack and even with all my super powers there was nothing I could do to save him, waah!”

 

                Bruce- “My parents were savagely murdered right before my adolescent eyes by a two-bit mugger.  All because my father tried to valiantly defend my mother. I grew up parentless, with only my faithful man-servant Alfred to raise me. I’m not crying about it.  All it has done is cause severe emotional scarring that causes me to be a borderline psychotic who feels a never-ending pull to punish criminals by dressing up in a suit whose mask resembles a bat and running around at night scaring the s*** out of them, followed by beating them brutally  and then going home and getting stitched up by my faithful man-servant Alfred, changing into an Armani suit and spend my days trying to convince people I am a selfish aristocratic brat who cares nothing of my fellow man while enduring the pain of not only a thousand stitches but numerous broken bones and bruises.”

 

                Superman “What does actual physical pain feel like?  I don’t know, but if I ever felt it I would probably cry for my heart diseased dad to come and hold me.”

 

 

Stay tuned for part two of my in depth discussion of why Batman is cooler than Superman…

Happy Birthday and Happy Anniversary!

Spence- Happy Birthday Bro! Miss you, hope all your wildest dreams come true.

Spence and Roxann- Happy Anniversary!

Good Year End News- From England

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/comment/columnists/christopherbooker/3982101/2008-was-the-year-man-made-global-warming-was-disproved.html

 

 

 

A few musings...

Global warming causes global cooling, or wait a minute, global warming will cause drought and famine because it is so hot, or maybe it causes the earth to heat up so fast it actually feels like it is -2 outside.  Well, don’t worry about it, much smarter people than us are saying it happens- like Al Gore and the Red Hot Chili Peppers, so we need to believe.

 

Who listened to Aaron Neville and thought- “Why, he needs to record an album!”  Or for that matter the following artists- AC/DC, Axel Rose, Vanilla Ice, etc. ect.

 

Right now, even as I am typing this, someone is making copies and singing “Little Drummer Boy.”

 

Why is it that kids can be sleeping just fine until you crawl into bed and get comfortable?  It doesn’t matter if it is 9pm, or 12am.  As soon as you get in bed, one of them cries, or screams, or comes out of their room wanting something.  If your kids are so quiet that you have that nagging thought (and every parent has it) wondering if they are still breathing, just crawl into bed, and they are sure to confirm that they are in fact breathing.

 

How come the classroom where the High Priests meet always smells like farts and Aqua Velva?

 

What is the medias obsession with the Kennedys?  Especially JFK?  Sure he was a good president, but he was president less than 3 years, hardly enough time to really do anything of substance.  Other than that- he didn’t really seem like a stand-up guy.  (the whole adultery thing is less than steller.)  Ted Kennedy is a drunk, and now we can confirm what we have always known- there is something terribly wrong with that man’s head.  And now Caroline- daughter of John and Jackie.  She has Kennedy blood coursing through her veins, and to liberals that is something akin to having Superman blood or being Aragorn from “Lord of the Rings.”  Say hello to the Aristocracy of America.

 

Elf Spencer- please stop giving me nightmares.  Please… please…please…sweet mercy, please…

 

 

 

Dear Spencer and Roxann...

I really enjoyed your little elf videos. The kids were awesome and cute, as well as your elf, Roxann.

Spencer- your elf peered through my soul. Thank you for haunting my dreams for the next week or so.

Danny.

A green vacation...

A couple of months ago the KC Star ran a whole series on “going green.”  One of their installments was about having a “green” wedding.  They had a plethora of stupid suggestions along with a huge, dumb article.  As I was reading through their suggestions, I came upon a box entitled “The Honeymoon” and read this fine gem- “research cruise lines to see if they have a history of labor infractions.”

 

100 pesos to the first person who can tell me what labor infractions have to do with the environement.

 

Well, I will answer my own question- nothing.  Nada.  So why should we be concerned if the janitor on the boat is part of a Union?  Because 60 years ago, going green would have been called going “red.”

 

For those of you that don’t understand, which I think the three people who read my blog do understand, its because being green is a mask for marxism.  Evil, big bad corporations that exploit the workers.  That is why, if you are going green, you need to make sure that not only are you aware of environmental concerns, but also the plight of the proletariat.

 

Hippies suck.

 

Peace- I’m out!

 

Out of the mouth of babes...

Last night we had just finished reading our scriptures and Sharel asked the girls who the President of the Church is.  Rachel answered President Monson.  Eryn asked if Obama was President of the church.  We explained to her the difference, that Obama was president of the US, and President Monson is the prophet.  Eryn then said she can’t wait for another contest to pick out the king of the country.

 

Then Eryn explained to us that she was afraid of Barack Obama because he is a bad man and he might break into our house at night.  I told her he wouldn’t do that because he has lots of money and there is nothing in our house he would want.

 

Eryn:  I know why he has lots of money.

 

Me:  Why?

 

Eryn:  Because he steals it from people!

 

I promise we did not teach Eryn to strongly dislike or be afraid of Obama.  In fact we have told her that he will be the president and deserves a certain amount of support and respect. 

 

So, that must mean that ‘out of the mouths of babes…’

 

 

 

A Little Funny...

Everyone feel sorry for me

Here is the dealy-yo-

 

On or about the sixth day of November, I placed an order with a certain company for one (1) Sigarms P6.  They informed me they would be getting a shipment of these pistols in about 4 weeks.  Good, sweet awesome.  This is the 4^th week.  I have been waiting like a kid the night before Christmas.  I dream about getting a call from my firearms dealer informing me the pistol has arrived.  Literally, these are the actual dreams I dream at night.  I check my account a couple of times a day just to see if they have taken the money out, for when they do, it means they have shipped my precious. 

 

This week I went out to their website to see if they have received the shipment yet.  At the top of their website, they had a wonderful little note-

“Due to high order/back order volume we are currently experiencing a delay in shipping. Please allow for up to 3-4 weeks for us to process and ship your order. We are currently shipping orders placed on the 15th of November. We apologize for any inconvenience this may cause.  We at AIM and others in the firearms industry are experiencing an extraordinarily high demand for the products we sell.  Although we will do all we can to insure the fulfillment of your order(s) in its entirety, we are experiencing product shortages that may result in backorders or delays of specific product from your order.  We ask for your patience as we work diligently to process orders, answer phone calls and respond to the thousands of emails requesting information about orders placed and product status.”

 

So what does this mean and why should you feel sorry for me?  Because I don’t think they will even start to process my order until they receive their shipment of P6’s.  That means another 3-4 weeks of waiting, like a child, for my pistol.  I don’t know if I can wait that long- maybe I will freeze myself.  Of course I could wake up to the Otter People.  (If you know what I am referencing here, then shame on you, that episode was wrong, plain wrong, and you shouldn’t be watching it!)

A typical exchange at work...

So, we get an email from payroll that says "As of Jan. 1, 2009 employees will be automatically enrolled in our 401(k) profit sharing plan unless you opt out."

So, my great friend and co-worker Linda, stands up, peers over our shared cubicle wall and says "So now they are forcing us to participate in the 401k?"

"No, you can opt out of it if you want, they are just saying that unless you specifically tell them you don't want to do it, then they will go ahead and enroll you."

"Sooo... we have to do the 401k now?"

"No, you don't have to, you just need to sign a form and tell them that you don't want to participate."

"But what if I don't want to do it?"

arrggghhh "Then fill out the form and check the box that says you opt out of the profit sharing plan."

"So... I have to fill out a form if I don't want to do it?"

"Yes. Yes. Yes."

Sometimes I want to stick a screwdriver in my ear and pound it in with a hammer.

my brief foray into politics during my hiatus...

So, I was perusing Newsbusters, an awesome website, and came across this little tidbit.

 

Apparently some news anchor was shocked at the recent attacks in India, because Obama had been elected.  I kid you not, he actually says that he expected a lull in terrorist attacks solely because the One had been elected.

 

Here is his exact quote:  “You know, John, and it’s interesting because there are many who had such an optimstic and hopeful opinion of things, and you certainly can’t expect things to change [snaps fingers] on a dime overnight, but there are many who suggested that with the outgoing Bush administration and the incoming Obama administration there would be something of a lull in terrorism attacks. There had been such a global outpouring of affection, respect, hope, with the new administration coming in, that precisely these kinds of attacks, it was thought — at least hoped — would be dampered down.”  Alex Witt.

 

What a moron.  Back to my political vacation.

 

Peace, I’m out!