Remember when you were a wee lad of perhaps 10, and you saw that really super awesome Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie? Do you remember wondering why Ninja Turtles was looked over at the Oscars that year? Maybe you don't, but I do. Yes, I thought the TMNT movie was awesome. But then again I was an adolescent so what did I know? I realize now that TMNT is NOT an awesome movie, and is in fact one of the worst movies I have ever seen. We all grow up and realize that our tastes as kids were probably pretty bad.
Occasionally, however, we remember a movie from our childhood, and looking back cannot find anything bad to say about it. It has withstood the test of time and is still awesome. Or so we think. I had one of these moments earlier this week when I saw the 1989 Batman was on Netflix. Remembering fondly how great this movie was, and not thinking of one reason why it would even be in the same league as TMNT, I pressed the play button. I then proceeded to ruin one of my favorite childhood memories.
Where to begin? The dialogue alone made me cringe throughout the whole movie, it sounded like it was written for a High School drama class. I know it is a cartoony movie, but it just felt like it was a movie waiting to be rifftraxed. (Note to self, check RiffTrax and see if Batman is available). Other than a very weak script and plot, perhaps the worst part of the movie is Jack Nicholson. He didn’t play the Joker, he played Jack Nicholson. Anybody ever notice he plays the same character in all his movies? In this one he just wore some makeup and had a crazy laugh. I suppose this could be chalked up to wanting to beat my head in with a hammer whenever Jack Nicholson is on the screen, but I think it is because Nicholson is not a very good actor. NO HE DIDN’T!!!!!!!! Yes I did, he is a terrible actor that just happens to be one of Hollywood’s flavors of the month, much like Snookie is on whatever tv show she is on.
As a side note, there are very few really good actors, most of them become popular because they are easy on the eyes and can speak in complete sentences. Most of the really popular actors only play caricatures of themselves. If you don’t believe me, just watch a few of your favorite actor’s movies back to back- I can almost guarantee that the performances and mannerisms are all the same. Just look at Tom Cruise or Mel Gibson, perhaps you could watch a Harrison Ford movie, and then pop in some Denzel Washington and Glenn Close movies. If any disagree, feel free to point out my error!
In the same vein, Michael Keaton was Michael Keaton, not Bruce Wayne. We got the character from Mr. Mom and Gung Ho! and threw in a little more Tim Burton and we have Bruce Wayne.
This movie was simply awful. The only thing I liked about it was Batman’s costume. I still think it looked waaaayyy cooler than the costume in the new movies.
And before you think that I am comparing Batman to Batman Begins or the Dark Knight, I’m not. They are incomparable. They are apples and oranges. I would not compare these movies just like I would not compare the cheesy 1966 Batman to any of these others. And before anyone mentions the Joel Schumacher Batman movies, I refuse to acknowledge that they even exist, I believe that the rumor that these movies exist is a cruel joke perpetuated on the human race.
Anyhoo, enough about that, it is not a good movie. Maybe that is too harsh, it is a good movie for 10 year olds, and has found a great place next to TMNT in my mind.
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2 comments:
The Dark Crystal is almost as cool now as it was when I was a kid.
Speaking of Batman, I feel that Heath Ledger did not play Heath Ledger in the Dark Knight. He truly became the Joker. In my opinion, the best performance ever! Also I hate Johnny Depp. I believe he is the worst at playing himself. He plays the exact same character in every movie. When I see him I want to punch a puppy.
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