Monday, December 7, 2009

WINTRY-MIX APOCALYPSE 2009!!!!!!!

I HOPE ALL IN THE KANSAS CITY AREA HAVE PREPARED FOR THE INCOMING WINTRY-MIX WE WILL HAVE TOMMORROW.  ACCORDING TO SOME METEOROLOGISTS WE MAY GET INCHES OF SNOW, INCHES!,  LIKE BETWEEN 1 AND 2 INCHES!  MIXED WITH PERIODS OF RAIN!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Seriously though, I hope everyone is prepared, because it will take FEMA at least 96 hours to get to your house to save you from this epic wintry-mix storm that is about to vex us.  I warned you and so have all the networks and their weather guys throughout the Kansas City area, so don’t come trekking to my house to take advantage of our 96 hour kits.  Why, KCTV 5, the local “Hard Hitting, Investigative” news program had a live report from a hardware store that was being overrun by an old lady getting ice-melt for her steps.  The horrid sight of that old bag running amok through the hardware store was almost more than I could take.  I mean, even though employees outnumbered the one customer at a 10:1 ratio, it was still horrifying to see the panic on her face as she quickly scooted her walker up and down the aisles.  That is a scene that will haunt my dreams for years to come.  I just wish I could get a bullhorn and shout “CALM DOWN!!” to everyone who is frantically stocking up for the snow/rain mix we are going to get tomorrow.  I think December 8, 2009 will go down in history as one of the worst wintry-mix storms of the last two centuries.  To the Tennessee Olsen’s - don’t ever forget us, ever.  Keep our memories alive, our souls lit bright in the memorials of your memories.  And, if by some miracle we make it out alive, we’ll be sure to keep the flame of life memories burning for those that were not so fortunate.  Remember…I love you all, and hope to be able to write again…only time will tell if I can make it through this wintry-mix.

4 comments:

MotherMonkee said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
MotherMonkee said...

Be strong! We are coming to get you out of there!!!

HaHa my word verification is 'survive' !!

TheFirehouse said...

Thanks, bro. I needed that. Now, since I've wet myself laughing, I need new underwear.

L S. "Spencer" Olsen said...

I'll never forget you, man!
Oh the humanity!!!