Preparing for the Zombie Apocalypse...A Series by Danny's Deep Thoughts...

As most of you may know, my brain is growing bigger day by day with the invaluable knowledge of a Graduate School education in Disaster and Emergency Management.  One course that is glaringly missing from the catalog is “The Zombie Apocalypse:  Mitigation, Preparation, and Response Strategies for Dealing with the Undead.”  It’s quite disappointing really, to not have that course offered.  But, I will be writing up a proposal and presenting it to the Dean, and perhaps even the Board of Directors for the school, in an attempt to have this course added to the curriculum.  So, in preparation for the proposal, I will attempt to educate the three readers of this blog on the Zombie Apocalypse.

First- what is the Zombie Apocalypse?  May I suggest watching “I am Legend” with Will Smith, or perhaps “The Omega Man” with Charlton Heston?  Other films that will educate you on the Zombie Apocalypse are (disclaimer:  I have not seen these, so I cannot verify that the content is suitable for an active, faithful Latter Day Saint to watch.) 28 Days Later, Zombie Land, Night of the Living Dead.

My purpose is to discuss the three strategies mentioned previously, Preparation, Mitigation and Response.  I will tackle each one of these topics in the upcoming weeks.

In all seriousness, I will be writing about Emergency Preparedness, because a lot of the info I have seen coming from numerous sources, including what has been presented to us on a ward level are out of date.  Recent disasters such as Katrina, and more recently Haiti, have presented us with invaluable information that has not been used to update the current thinking, your ward may be different, so perhaps you already know some of these things. 

 

State of the Union Cliff notes...

For those of you that didn’t sit through the 1 hour and 10 minute long State of the Union Address, here is a brief synopsis of what was said:

 

“Blah blah blah blah, I, my, I, Bush’s fault, Bush’s fault, blah, blah blah blah, I, my, mine, Bush’s fault, Bush’s fault, blah blah blah, Republicans fault, blah blah blah blah, listen and obey me, I’m great, welcome your ideas, as long as they are mine, blah, blah, blah, blah, Bush’s fault, don’t blame me, evil Bankers and Wall Street, blah blah blah blah blah, Bush’s fault, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah, I’m great, my ideas are infallible, have the courage to agree with me without question, blah blah blah blah, blah.  Once again, my fellow Americans- everything bad happening is Bush’s fault, some of it is Wall Streets fault.  Don’t be mad at me.  I have the best ideas ever, and you are welcome to share your ideas, but just as long as they are really my ideas- it’s the only way I will consider them.  To you democrats that are listening to your constituents- stop, stop right now, have the courage to stand by me, even if you don’t get re-elected.  Stop listening to your constituents.  Republicans- if none of you will vote for my ideas, rest assured, if my ideas fail, we will still blame you for the failure anyway.  I am great, I am relating to the common man out there, because I have a low level staff intern read your letters, and then creatively tell me what I want to hear.  One time, I also stopped at a McD’s to take a kingly deuce.  Now after that experience, who can tell me I don’t relate to the common man.  And because I relate to you- the common man, or woman- I know what’s best for you, because I am smart, I went to Harvard, smoked dope and even cocaine once.  But don’t worry about that, I could explain, but your feeble, common minds wouldn’t understand.  Allright, I suppose we are finished here- oh, one last thing- congress- stop perpetually campaigning, no one likes it.  There you have it folks, vote for me in 2012…I mean that is the State of our Union!!!  PEACE!! I’M OUT!!!”

just for fun

A classic:

a few thoughts

So Obama had a closed door meeting with his top security people the other day.  News sources tell us that Obama was quite blunt about the failure of security on Christmas Day – here is what is purported to have been said- http://www.nydailynews.com/blogs/dc/2010/01/obama-dresses-down-his-intel-a.html

 

I have it on good authority that the meeting went something more like this (the unreported comments are in italics):

 

“This was a screw up that could have been disastrous to my image and presidency” Obama told his war council and national security advisers in the Situation Room meeting. “You dodged a bullet but just barely. If that plane would have been blown up, my political future would be in serious jeopardy. As it stands, this little failure on your part disrupted my vacation, disrupted my golfing, and has made me very cranky.  This is not acceptable.  Now I have to get up and give a speech on my vacation.  Now look, I agree with the next person that the plane did not get blown up, so what is the big deal? Right?  Wrong- it’s a big deal because it is making me look bad.  Now we were successful in convincing people the Ft. Hood shooting was the work of a deranged, lone gunman, instead of a terrorist attack.  I tried in my speech I gave a few days after the attempted bombing to blame this on the work of a lone, isolated individual, but that has not worked.  I am trying to get large portions of the private sector under government control before I lose the majorities in the House and Senate, and this little episode is distracting me, and it is distracting the proletariat.  On top of all this, some of my most ardent supporters are criticizing me for my detached, unemotional speech about this attempted attack 3 days after it happened.  You would look unemotional too, if you had to get out of your golf shorts, and into a suit, and go and talk to the media instead of relaxing.  This attempted attack has really hurt my image, and that is not acceptable.

 “While there will be a tendency for fingerpointing at me, I will not tolerate it, I will throw all of you, and your families under the bus if I need to.  Mark my words, if something like this happens again, I will ruin each and every one of you.  I cannot stress enough how important I am, and what people think of me.  This type of stuff is the stuff that makes me look bad.  Now, just to clarify- I know that I promised an end to terrorism when I was elected.  I know we blamed terrorism on Bush, and it worked.  This is what the people that voted for me thought.  The truth is that terrorism began long before Bush, and will probably continue long after.  I know this, and you should know it.  The American people, however, should not know this.  It is your job to quietly prevent things like this from happening so I can be the great savior that stopped terrorism because I am not Bush” Obama also said.

The leaders of each administration agency and department took responsibility for failures to make Obama look good at their respective organizations.

 

Now- a few predictions for the Red Dawn remake-

America will be to blame for getting attacked- probably in the form of our greed causing the economic recession, or some other such nonsense.

The Wolverines will secure firearms from criminals, as only criminals have guns.

None of the wolverines will know the first thing about handling a firearm, they will all need to be trained by Jed, who in this version is a Marine Veteran from Iraq.

Somewhere in the film, the terrorists who plant roadside bombs in Iraq and Afghanistan will be painted as simple freedom fighters, trying to drive foreign occupiers out of their land like the Wolverines, rather than foreign jihadists who entered Iraq for the sole purpose of killing American Troops.

Somewhere in the film, the Middle Easterner will be portrayed as intellectually and culturally far more advanced that the brutish Americans, despite the treatment of women and only wiping their rear end with their left hand.

Towards the end of the film, we will be introduced to the sympathetic invader, who only had our best interests at heart, and could really help us.

Mark my words, most, if not all of these will be elements in the upcoming Red Dawn remake.

Peace- I’m out!

Snowacalypse 2009 update...

We are going into hour 8 of this horrible wintry-mix storm here in the Kansas City Metro area.  This storm reeks of evil, it is sneaky and smart.  We all need to be on alert for the impending doom.  So far, it has only rained, but there is no telling what this storm will do.  Don’t let down your guard for a second.  There is just no telling what is going to happen over the next 24 hours.

 

By some miracle, we are still alive.  What our fates will be over the next 24 hours- no one knows.  I just hope that I will see another day here in the epicenter of the Great Wintry-Mix Storm of 2009.

WINTRY-MIX APOCALYPSE 2009!!!!!!!

I HOPE ALL IN THE KANSAS CITY AREA HAVE PREPARED FOR THE INCOMING WINTRY-MIX WE WILL HAVE TOMMORROW.  ACCORDING TO SOME METEOROLOGISTS WE MAY GET INCHES OF SNOW, INCHES!,  LIKE BETWEEN 1 AND 2 INCHES!  MIXED WITH PERIODS OF RAIN!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Seriously though, I hope everyone is prepared, because it will take FEMA at least 96 hours to get to your house to save you from this epic wintry-mix storm that is about to vex us.  I warned you and so have all the networks and their weather guys throughout the Kansas City area, so don’t come trekking to my house to take advantage of our 96 hour kits.  Why, KCTV 5, the local “Hard Hitting, Investigative” news program had a live report from a hardware store that was being overrun by an old lady getting ice-melt for her steps.  The horrid sight of that old bag running amok through the hardware store was almost more than I could take.  I mean, even though employees outnumbered the one customer at a 10:1 ratio, it was still horrifying to see the panic on her face as she quickly scooted her walker up and down the aisles.  That is a scene that will haunt my dreams for years to come.  I just wish I could get a bullhorn and shout “CALM DOWN!!” to everyone who is frantically stocking up for the snow/rain mix we are going to get tomorrow.  I think December 8, 2009 will go down in history as one of the worst wintry-mix storms of the last two centuries.  To the Tennessee Olsen’s - don’t ever forget us, ever.  Keep our memories alive, our souls lit bright in the memorials of your memories.  And, if by some miracle we make it out alive, we’ll be sure to keep the flame of life memories burning for those that were not so fortunate.  Remember…I love you all, and hope to be able to write again…only time will tell if I can make it through this wintry-mix.

A purpose...

There are some who read my blog that may wonder what my purpose is in writing.  Is it to inform, to persuade, perhaps to educate?  Nope, it is not any of those.  The 3 or 4 people who read my blog I am sure agree with the things I say, and the others who may stumble here now and then may wonder why anyone cares to read my deep thoughts.  So, what is my purpose?  It is purely for selfish reasons that I write this blog.  I write first of all to vent my frustrations with things going on around me, not so people know, but just for therapeutic reasons.  The second reason I write is to have contact and communication with my extended family.  Knowing they read my blog, and I theirs helps to keep me feeling close to them.  These are really the only reasons I write, in case you ever wondered “who cares?” when reading my blog.

 

And by the way, Grant is being potty trained (finally!) and is confusing “poop” and “pee”- he thinks they both refer to the act of urinating.  We had to come up with another way to describe the act of the bowel movement, and somehow what he landed on to describe a BM is “stinky brown”.  Just thought everyone should know…

 

Gotta go and make a stinky brown- Peace, I’m out!

 

P.S. On a side note- we had better make sure we don’t feed Grant any Fruit Loops, as then he would be really confused as to why what is supposed to be stinky brown is now stinky green.