So I was listening to the Rush Limbaugh show today, and they were tralking about the teachers unions. I don’t need to bore anyone with the details, but they were discussing universal pre-K, basically instead of K-12, it would be pre-K-12. Some “enlightened” graduate student called and said that we all know liberals believe, but usually tap-dance around it or disguise it. This guy said it point blank- we need pre-k because there are most of the parents out there don’t make the right decisions.
So- once again Liberalism = you’re too stupid to do anything on your own, the Gov’t must help.
Batman and Superman
Now, I know that this a debate that still destroys more basement-dwelling nerd friendships than forgetting to bring the Mountain Dew and Pizza Rolls to an all night game of Dungeons and Dragons, but it warrants some consideration on my blog for one reason.
Sharel showed me a slightly amusing video on the internets (I cannot post the link now, but google “how it should have ended” and look for the Superman video). On this particular video, Superman is sitting in a diner with Batman and is making fun of him and his tool belt. For some inexplicable reason Sharel has found it funny to rehearse this segment to me time and time again, knowing my somewhat disturbing love for the Batman.
First- Both Superman and the Batman are awesome. But comparing the two is like comparing apples to steaks. They are not even in the same food group. Superman has super powers, Batman does not. This alone separates them into two incomparable categories. But, since Sharel thinks it is soooo hilarious to rip on my boy, I will explain to her, and to you, why Batman is better.
As mentioned before, Superman has super powers. He is, for all intensive purposes (if you ever watch King of Queens you will get this), invulnerable to just about anything except for kryptonite. Does that make him cool? I suppose, but it also kind of makes him an A-hole, too. Why get all excited about someone you know is gonna win? We all know nothing can stop him, so where is the suspense, the anticipation, the wondering what is going to happen next? It is not there. We see guys with guns, we know Supe is going to be ok, so we laugh at the retards who think shooting him will do anything. That brings me to my next point- people in Superman’s Universe are really, really dumb.
1. Glasses for a disguise, and no one recognizes him? Really? Sometimes at home Sharel puts on her glasses and I freak out because I think some other woman has broken into our house. No, I don’t, because I have a brain, something the people in Metropolis don’t.
2. The villains- are really extra dumb. Why? Why would you shoot a gun at Superman? Do you not know who he is? That isn’t it- it is because they are really dumb.
3. Lex Luthor- really, the only villain with even a slight chance of ever doing anything to Superman. Why, Superman could bring peace to himself and the rest of the world if he would just sling LL out into the vast darkness of space. That explains why Superman is himself, dumb.
4. Metropolis- could there be a dumber name for a city than this? Yes- Smallville.
Next point- I don’t really have anyother points- moving on to why Batman is more awesomer than superman.
1. Batman wears an almost full face mask. This is what is called a disguise. He also moves at night, in the shadows, to promote an air of fear into the common criminal of Gotham. No one gets a long enough look at him to put two and two together.
2. Batman is human. This generates suspense. We all know Bruce is a world-class MMA fighter, and wears a certain amount of body armor and other gadgets to give him an edge, but there is always the chance, and a good one, that he is going to lose. A well placed shot, or enough bad guys, or even Jet Li could be the end of the Batman. It’s kind of like watching Rocky get the snot beat out of him, but then at the end he reaches deep inside his heart and takes out the other guy.
3. Batman’s background is tons better than Superman.
Superman- “Boohoo, my father died of a heart-attack and even with all my super powers there was nothing I could do to save him, waah!”
Bruce- “My parents were savagely murdered right before my adolescent eyes by a two-bit mugger. All because my father tried to valiantly defend my mother. I grew up parentless, with only my faithful man-servant Alfred to raise me. I’m not crying about it. All it has done is cause severe emotional scarring that causes me to be a borderline psychotic who feels a never-ending pull to punish criminals by dressing up in a suit whose mask resembles a bat and running around at night scaring the s*** out of them, followed by beating them brutally and then going home and getting stitched up by my faithful man-servant Alfred, changing into an Armani suit and spend my days trying to convince people I am a selfish aristocratic brat who cares nothing of my fellow man while enduring the pain of not only a thousand stitches but numerous broken bones and bruises.”
Superman “What does actual physical pain feel like? I don’t know, but if I ever felt it I would probably cry for my heart diseased dad to come and hold me.”
Stay tuned for part two of my in depth discussion of why Batman is cooler than Superman…
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I replied on my blog.
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