Dear Nancy Pelosi,
I understand where you are coming from. I understand that you live in and represent the people of the San Francisco area. I understand that most people living to the east of the great intellectual bastion of San Francisco resemble at best the Beverly Hillbillies, and at worst the deviant mountain folk portrayed in “Deliverance”. And perhaps, somewhere in the middle, we mostly resemble the people in Patrick Swayze’s epic “Next of Kin”.
I know that we are not as smart as you, that our inferior thinking and logic make it difficult to understand what is best for us. I know such outdated ideas such as religion, the Constitution and free will really stand in the way of you doing what is best for us. So I understand why you would want to circumvent voting on something as important as the Healthcare bill. If I thought the way that you do, I wouldn’t want to let something as insignificant as allowing representatives of the people to vote on this legislation either. And, I certainly don’t blame you for wanting to remove accountability from the process. Us dumb rubes out here in flyover country are sure to not re-elect anyone voting for this bill. So why not try and shield them from it? It seems perfectly reasonable to me. After all, we are too dumb to really know what is good for us. And to hell with the idea of a representative republic. As your esteemed colleague Thomas Friedman pointed out- a two party system, and a system of representatives really hampers the government from doing what is important and best for their citizens. So, I say why stop here. Who cares about rules, who cares about voting? Why not just pronounce the legislation passed, even without enacting the ‘deem and pass’ rule. That way everyone in the House can say with a certain amount of technical honesty that they did not vote for it. Imagine 435 representatives each announcing that they did not vote for what has become the law of the land. Wouldn’t that be great? Talk about change, LOL! That way us dumb hillbillies would still re-elect them. Furthermore, I think that whoever is there now, (not republicans of course) should just announce that they have been appointed to represent their district for life by you, the Speaker of the House of Representatives. That way they wouldn’t even have to run for office ever again! I really think you should get together with Harry Reid and Mr. Obama on this. Feel free to run with it. Eventually the dumb-dumb’s of middle America will forget about it, and think that is the way it has always been. Perhaps you could get some of your friends in Hollywood, like Matt Damon and Tom Hanks, to do a movie about the constitutional convention of 1787. In it you can tell the real story of what is in the Constitution. Why you could do this in one of two ways- first it could be a film about a bunch of angry white men who wanted to preserve their dominance and power of women and other people who “didn’t look like them”. The second way you could do this would be to tell what “really” happened at the convention (wink wink). How the founding fathers and the constitution do not talk about a representative republic at all, but a government that had the power and ability to do what is best for people, even if they don’t know themselves, like the government of Cuba! But, I am sure you already know all this. I guess I am writing you show my support for a fundamental transformation of our country from a republic to a totalitarian form. I am with you. Good luck in you endeavors.
Yours truly,
Danny
P.S.- when you have a movie made about your greatness, might I suggest Cheri Oteri to play you. She does the wide eyed, creepy hyper thing well.
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